i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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