no, he came in my armpit
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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