i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
