ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
