I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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