bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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