You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You did what with his pubic hair?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
