This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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