legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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