Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
