thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
