so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
