I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
