His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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