so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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