Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
