I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
