she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
