a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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