Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
