i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
