Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
