The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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