you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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