and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
