Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
