I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
