As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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