First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
