Do you still have your period?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
