Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
