We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize