therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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