OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
