chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
