genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
