Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
