does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
