in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
