I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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