While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We left the knife in your bed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
