**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
