eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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