I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
