Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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