If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
