dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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