I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
