Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
