what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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