so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
