The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
