So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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